The novel is set in , a pivotal year marked by increasing civil unrest and the real-life attempted assassination of dictator Augusto Pinochet by the Manuel Rodríguez Patriotic Front. The narrative weaves together two contrasting worlds: Lemebel, the Neo-barroque and the Subversion of Language
Ay de mí, Llorona, Llorona de un amor Tengo miedo torero, de que sepa la gente De que ando con la Llorona, que de tanto quererte Dicen que no te quiero, pero si me quisieras...
But Chavela’s interpretation added a layer that was revolutionary for her time. Chavela, who publicly came out as lesbian late in her life but lived her truth fiercely throughout her career, imbued the song with the terror of the marginalized. For a woman who loved women in a machismo society, the "bullring" was the world itself, and the "bull" was the judgment of society. Her admission of fear was not cowardice; it was radical honesty.
When the young revolutionary, (whom la loca calls “the boyfriend” or “the young man”), asks to rent a room, la loca falls desperately, pathetically, and beautifully in love. Carlos is handsome, earnest, and secretive. He is a member of the FPMR, storing weapons and planning the ambush against the dictator. He does not share la loca’s affections, but he tolerates—and even gently manipulates—her devotion because the safe house is perfect: no one suspects a loca .
Por Las Locas: The Differences of Pedro Lemebel - Matthew Cheney
The line translates roughly to: "I am afraid, bullfighter, that the people will know / That I walk with the Weeping Woman..."
To understand the power of the "torero" line, one must first understand the vessel that carries it: the song "La Llorona."
, in his plot against Pinochet. By placing a queer figure at the heart of a militant historical event, Lemebel challenges the traditional "strong man" narrative of Chilean history and military culture. The Intersection of the Personal and Political
Carlos represents the traditional machismo of the Latin American left. He is serious, clandestine, and monomaniacally focused on the revolution. He sleeps with la loca only out of convenience and pity, not passion. Yet, through their strange cohabitation, a tenderness emerges. Carlos leaves his shirts for la loca to iron. He eats her arroz con huevo. He listens to her gossip about the neighbors. In return, la loca delivers secret messages, hides automatic rifles under her bed, and stitches bandoliers inside the lining of her feathered dresses.
Lemebel was a writer, performance artist, and chronicler. He came from the tomas (land seizures) of the poor. He was also a radical queer who rejected both the homophobia of the traditional left and the classism of the gay elite. His prose in Tengo miedo, torero is a riot of sensory overload.
Lemebel sets his love story against this explosive backdrop. He takes the grand, masculine narrative of revolution and guerrilla warfare and filters it through the domestic, the sentimental, and the queer.
Tengo miedo torero (published in English as My Tender Matador ) is a breathtaking masterpiece by the late Chilean author and activist . Whether you are approaching it through the original 2001 novel or the acclaimed 2020 film adaptation, it stands as a searingly beautiful exploration of forbidden love and political resistance . A Feast of Language and Emotion
The novel is brutally honest about the limits of that love. Carlos will never love la loca back as she desires. He will eventually leave her for a female revolutionary his own age. La loca knows this. In a devastating scene, she removes her makeup and looks in the mirror, seeing only “a poor old fairy with a wrinkled neck.” Her fear is not only of the regime—it is of being forgotten, used, and discarded.
